Thursday, October 27, 2011

Swimming lessons

My son is taking swimming lessons -- the kind where Mommy has to GET IN the pool too. Nothing like squeezing your out-of-shape-you-thought-you-were-in-the-clear-because-it's-almost-November body into a bathing suit to take your resistant toddler clear across town to a non-heated pool smack in the middle of dinner time (oh and your husband is out of town for work so you have to find a babysitter for the baby) only to have him say the whole time, "I am all done with swimming, Mommy."

To try to distract him from our teeth chattering and to inspire some interest, we start talking about opposites (one of his favorite games -- see post on "conversations").

He asks, "Mommy, what is the opposite of float?"
"Like in the kitchen? That is always full of dirty dishes?"

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


"Mommy, can I hold your ring?"
"No, this ring is special. We cannot lose it. Mommy wears it every day. It means Mommy is married to Daddy because Mommy loves Daddy."
"Am I married?"
"No, but you can get married when you are a grown-up."
"Is [sister] married?"
"No, but she can get married when she is a grown-up too."
"I don't want to get married. I just want to be a daddy."
"Good luck with that."

"Mommy, what is that on your forehead?"
"My eyebrow."
"No, what is that line on your forehead?"
"Oh, that would be a wrinkle."
"Why are there so many of them?"

"The opposite of big is small. Big like an elephant and small like a bug.
The opposite of up is down. Up in the sky and down on the ground.
The opposite of young is old. Young like baby [sister] and old like Mommy. Or a dinosaur."

Friday, October 14, 2011

The power of the cookie

I have learned recently of the power of cookies.... to make a toddler go on the potty chair. My almost 3-year old son FINALLY pooped on the potty and received the much anticipated cookie he has been promised for what seems like forever. (My husband bought the box of cookies weeks ago and obviously he and I have just been eating them after the kids go to bed... Good thing there were still 2 left for this unexpected and much prayed for event.)

Side notes which will be relevant: Poop was large man-sized-poop
                                                      Also, my son usually only poops once a day.

Later in the day kids and I are at my second home (also known as the grocery store in some cultures). And to promote this potty-progress, I get more cookies and go so far as to allow my son to hold them in the cart (which he does, very carefully, as if this box were actually the holy grail). Just as we enter the last aisle and I am about to wrap up a fairly uneventful shopping trip, I hear, "I have to poop, Mommy."

I know this is not true (review side notes above) and this is solely in the hopes of breaking into the holy cookies. I try all my tricks to dissuade him, but he insists that yes, in fact, he does have to poop. And no, he cannot wait until we get home. He has to poop here, at the grocery store.

I drive the bus that is this ridiculous shopping cart -- with a huge plastic car stuck on the front that provides him with the illusion that he is driving -- to the rest room, park it, unstrap both kids, and get the party started.

Seeing no other option, I put my 10-month old crawl-happy daughter down on the public restroom floor while I get his shoes, pants, and underwear off. It takes her about 1.5 seconds to sense her freedom and she of course takes off. I frantically try blocking her path with my leg while holding him on the potty (requiring me to adopt a half-squat position with one leg straight) but she is too quick and too smart. Up, over my leg she goes, under the door, and out of the stall. This means my son has to use both hands to hold himself up, touching more of a public toilet than he has ever touched before (which I guess was going to happen at some point) while I retrieve Houdini-baby.

Once we were all corralled back together, he says (shockingly), "I don't have to go."

Thankfully the hand-sanitizer fairy had visited the restroom so I was able to bathe them in Purell immediately.