Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The F-Word

If anything will break you of your type-A perfectionism control freak issues, it is parenthood. Because, inevitably, something will not go your way, or *gasp!* you will fail at something. For example, we are a bunch of annoying over-achievers in this household. My eldest son was reading at 2 1/2. TWO AND A HALF. My daughter is incredibly articulate and uses words like "improvise" and "sarcastic" properly in sentences. And what we aren't quite as good at, we work our tails off and we get better.

But then there is potty-training. And we SUCK at this. All of us. Me, them. Them, me. My first born took a year and a half to get there. Lots of failures all around. (And lots of drowning my tears in wine at night). I assumed that part of the problem was me starting too early with him. My daughter, however, was a completely different child: very focused, not easily distracted, mature. So I foolishly also started training her at 2 1/2. That was well over a year ago. And guess what? Mommy's a-drinkin'. My child still needs to change her underpants several times a day. She turned 3 1/2 two months ago. She is going to preschool in one month.

Mommy fail. TWICE.

Mommy DOES NOT FAIL. This has been a tremendous source of frustration, despair, and disappointment for me. We are the Johnsons! We kick ass at stuff! We do not accept failure well. We don't get sent home by the preschool in wet clothes because we "aren't quite ready." But here we are, pulling up the rear on the potty-training wagon. Again.

And trust me, I am not trying some new fangled potty-training method written by monks or something. I am using the same old, regular methods everyone else uses. I actually had a dad say to me recently (as I was lamenting my failures to his wife), "You know, we had to teach our kids how to do it. We had to put them on the potty so they learned." I almost punched him in the face. Are you kidding me?! Do you not think I tried that? A YEAR AGO??!!

And I still have kid #3 to train. However, I plan on having him skip preschool and get trained at 4 1/2 so he's ready for kindergarten.

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