Friday, September 30, 2011

In defense of soccer moms....

You know who she is -- maniacal cell phone talking, Starbucks chugging, mini-van driving woman weaving in and out of traffic, all with those cute stickers on her back window of Mom, Dad, 3 kids, a dog and a cat, as well as a proud bumper sticker proclaiming her 5th grader's honor roll status. Maybe you are her. Maybe you judge her. Maybe you swear you will never be her...

Well, I have recently begun to realize and appreciate the reasons behind said "soccer mom's" crazed behavior on the road.

First: the cell phone stuck to her ear. She is probably on the phone with one of her children's teachers discussing an "incident" from school that day, or a coach volunteering to bring snack for the team to the next practice, or the pediatrician trying to schedule a flu shot, or maybe, just maybe, she is on the phone with a girlfriend she has been trying to connect with for weeks. Now, with her children physically strapped in and unable to climb up her leg and grab the phone out of her hand, she is taking 10 minutes to catch up with that friend. Likely, however, one of the first 3 scenarios is accurate.

Second: the Starbucks coffee. This is a necessity due her functioning on 47 minutes of sleep because of one child teething, one child up 3 times with nightmares, and planning an upcoming birthday party at midnight since that is the only time everything else is done and there is peace and quiet. Or maybe she just felt that she deserved a $4.00 coffee as she looks down at her 7-year old outfit and $1.00 plastic flip-flops. (And if you are about to say that she should take herself shopping, trust me, she has thought about it. What woman does not want new trendy clothes? But then the thought of having to search the racks, try on clothes, and wait in the endless check-out line with the two small people in tow negates any desire for a new outfit, hence the sad ensemble that is now covered in $4.00 coffee.)

Third: The crazy driving. This is likely due to her timing her day down to the second and not having the option to allow for traffic, construction, or slow-poke drivers. Child #1 needs to be picked up at 2:30. Child #2 did not go down for nap until 1:00 (despite Mom's best efforts) so, being the best mom she can be, she let child #2 sleep as long as possible before ripping her from her peaceful sleep to throw her in the car in order to pick up child #1 on time. Or maybe she is driving like a maniac trying to get the kids home for lunch before they fall asleep in the car so that they eat a good lunch and take full naps at home, thus preventing several meltdowns that would occur otherwise.

Although my kids are still quite young, I do drive a mini-van, and my son does play 2-year old soccer, so  I guess TECHNICALLY I am a soccer mom. And I am here to say to all of the other sleep-deprived moms with unbrushed hair and mis-matched shoes who are zipping by cops and accidentally uttering 4-letter words we pray our kids don't repeat, I am with you. No one gets it but us.

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