Saturday, September 3, 2011

A poop story to top all other poop stories

Just when you think you have seen / done it all with your kids' poop...

Toddler runs into room yelling, "I pooped in my underpants! I pooped in my underpants!"

You put down your morning glass of wine... (Just kidding! You wish!) Likely, you put down the laundry you are folding, or your cold coffee poured 2 hours ago, or maybe just your other child, and with a sigh say, "Okay. Let's clean you up."

Once in the bathroom, you survey the situation and stupidly think that the clean-up will not be too bad -- it is a solid mass, easily flushable, after which the underpants will be thrown in the washer.

You begin helping your child pull down his stinky underpants as is the usual routine. However, he is so upset about having pooped in his underpants that he won't stand still and loses his footing... and yep, he puts his foot down, smashing the "solid mass" into a poop-patty in the underwear. And yes, he put his foot directly in it. As he is still a bit unsteady on his feet, he then picks his foot up and puts it down again, making a distinct poop-print on the floor. Also, while you were attempting to hold Mr. Wobbly-legs steady, you also toppled a bit and indeed put your hand in the poop underwear as well.

Meanwhile, child #2 is screaming bloody murder in the other room and has just started crawling, so you can only imagine what she is eating, climbing on, etc. You actually have to say the words, "Hold on, sweetie. Mommy will come get you as soon as I wash the poop off of our hands and feet."

And then you return to the rest of your glamorous life.

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